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Beyond Widowhood: Overcoming Trials and Tribulations

June 23, 2021

According to official data, there are more than 44 million widows in India. Due to the stigma still associated with widowhood in many parts of the country, where widows are often blamed for the deaths of their husbands, many of them continue to suffer in silence.

With a network of 93,829 women actively participating in sanghams, or self-help groups, RDT has been working to improve the living conditions of women, especially widows, for decades. In 2019-2020, to support widows who had been solely dependent on their spouses, RDT programs provided food assistance to 2,365 widows of Anantapur and Kurnool districts.

On International Widow’s Day, we bring you a story about the courage and resolve of a woman who is determined to change the way widows are treated in her community. This is the story of Lakshmi Devi.

Lakshmi Devi is only 31 but she has been widowed for 13 years. Her story is one of stigma, courage and above all determination not only to change her life, but to inspire others to do the same. Married at the young age of 13, she did not even finish her basic education. Five years after her marriage, her husband died in an autorickshaw accident, leaving her with no income and two infants to care for.

When Lakshmi became a widow, she did not know she would be trapped by the chains of stigma. Lakshmi was forced to stay indoors for three months. To even look at a widow is still considered bad luck, so she suffered in silence inside her home.

Entangled in a web of taboos, Lakshmi was forbidden to cook, and was forced to depend on her sister to cook meals for her. “I became very weak. My sister felt pity at my plight so she came and looked after me,” Lakshmi recalled.

One day when Lakshmi was carrying firewood back to her house, she ran in to her uncle. Rather than cross paths with her, her own relative turned around and hurried in the opposite direction. Lakshmi was devastated. “I was heartbroken to see my uncle turn away,” she said “He is my own family and even he could not empathize with me”

“Even after 13 years of my widowhood, I still receive taunts when I step out to buy groceries,” Lakshmi recounted. “I feel tired of society’s mentality. I do not understand. How it is my fault if my husband died? Why punish me? Why cannot I be treated like a human?”

©Nuria Navarro/RDT

“These past years have been very tough on me,” Lakshmi continued. “There were times when I lost the will to live, but I carried on because of my children. I never shared with anyone what I was going through. All these superstitions have existed for generations and they are still in practice. How is a woman responsible for her husband’s death? Why is she considered a culprit?”

After years of suffering in silence, Lakshmi decided to take part in one of RDT’s awareness programs for widows and women in vulnerable situations. “The sessions organized by RDT helped me in my journey,” she said. “I met other women like me. It felt nice to share my feelings with them. I have gained confidence through RDT and today I am the leader of a local women’s sangham. I now plan to raise awareness with the other women of the sangham about the issues facing widows.”

“I could not ever imagine what my mother has been through all these years,” said Lakshmi’s son. “She has come a long way and I feel proud of her. Because of my mother, I have learnt to respect women who are widows. I will always treat them with respect and dignity”

Talking about the stigma is the first step to ending it. Lakshmi Devi has risen from the swamp of taboos, broken the shackles of stigma and is now on a journey to help others overcome the challenges of widowhood as she did.

Text: Dyuti Khulbe/RDT

Adapted by VFF USA